Sunday, August 28, 2016

embroideries and epiphanies.

a few semesters ago i took a fashion illustration class from the most wonderfully insane woman who really pushed me out of my comfort zone as an artist and was unbelievably encouraging the entire semester, despite the fact that my drawings are mediocre at best. any time my drawings got wonky with messed up proportions or hideous faces (im the worst at faces. i wont draw figures with faces anymore) she would always say i was "in transition". by that she meant that in order for me to move forward with my drawing skills, things were going to get awkward and my drawings were going to get worse before they got better. i always hated when shed point out that my drawings were "in transition", but she was right, the transitions were necessary in order for my drawings to improve. 

long story short, this all happened about two years ago and i havent done much drawing since, but it recently hit me that what miss baizer said about drawing was true about real life too: everything is in a constant state of transition and those transitions are messy, but things do get better over time. and my response to what ms baizer said about drawings is still true in regards to real life: i hate transitions. 

im a very black and white person, i want things to be here OR there, not somewhere in between, and, well, ive spent a lot of the past few years living in the "in between", and well, ive always hated it. i hated being engaged, i hated being pregnant, ive hated every time weve been between jobs or houses or there was any kind of unknown going on around us. i feel like most people are really into the thrill of the anticipation and i am just not. in all honesty, it just stresses me out. 

i used to think this meant that something was wrong with me and that i was a miserable unhappy person that would never be satisfied with anything in life, but then i had a major epiphany: different people thrive in different environments. i thrive in routine, predictability, stability, and well, thats just not the life ive had lately. and thats totally ok. its ok that these last few years have been hard for me because theyve been chock full of big transitions and i do not do well with transitions. (that was bolded mainly for me)

and even though im not a fan of prolonged transitional phases, a lot of ours are coming to an end: mainly, i graduate next may and james should have a year or less before he journeys out of his apprenticeship. so everythings going to be ok. 

i want to say i had that breakthrough a month or so ago and since then, ive been on a roll with epiphany after epiphany and since this recent outpouring of clarity is going to (probably drastically) change what happens here on the blog, i thought id take some time to let them all out at once (instead of dragging them all out or having to explain myself overtime something changes. also, yes i realize its been forever since i posted last, ill get to that later). so here we go: 

1. my "public persona" and "blogging voice" are so not who i really am. 

im not exactly sure how it happened (and how it happened isnt really important anymore), but ive spent the past few years trying to be the kind of person i thought i was "supposed" to be, the kind of person that other people would like since i didnt have any friends. what that meant was that in an attempt to gloss over all my flaws and the serious trials i was going through, i created this laid-back, easygoing, overly cheerful persona that is just so not me. of course this totally backfired because since i wasnt ever really honest with anyone, i still had a hard time making friends, and it got to the point where i wasnt really sure what i was even actually like anymore. so now im working on not doing that, and while its a been a challenge, i feel like its a step in the right direction.  

2. i want to keep blogging but i hate what the blogging scene has become. 

all this time ive been not-blogging ive been thinking about blogging, i swear. but i havent been able to actually start typing because... well... i am just OVER the blogging "scene". im sick of this whole "brand yourself as an expert in your niche" thing (which i totally fell for and started writing posts that i totally hate because branding), and the way that blogs now are just fronts to get emails to promote webinars to sell courses that cost WAY too much money. im sorry if ive offended anyone but thats what the majority of lifestyle blogging has become, and im over here just wanting to write blog posts...

3. i HAVE to stop being so afraid of everything. 

i have a really bad habit of not even trying things just in case i might fail. for example: you may or may not know that i majored in fine arts in college. i spent FOUR YEARS making art in a fairly serious manner. i have shared approximately none of it. why? because i was afraid to. i dont know exactly what i was afraid of but i have portfolio after portfolio of art that i never showed anyone, and because i never did i never got any feedback and because i never got any feedback i assumed i was terrible and eventually just quit making art together. well in an effort to be more "me" i bought some embroidery supplies last week to make some embroideries because i freaking love doing embroidery. even though i was super excited to start this project it took me DAYS to share my first piece on instagram because i was so self-consious about it (like, i was finishing up the third one and still hadnt posted the first). you know what happened after i posted it? i got a ton of really nice and encouraging comments from not just my friends, but also from the person who wrote the song it was based on. obviously that made my day and i had a super nerd freak out about it, but also i realized how stupid it was that i never show off the things i make. 

what does this all add up to? i dont know, honestly. so far i know it means that im definitely ditching all the things ive been doing that just arent me and trying not to be afraid of failing at that. which is... a lot easier said than done...

so yeah... that was a lot of navel gazing and i applaud anyone that made it all the way down here to the bottom, i know it sucked but i really feel like i needed to get all this out of the way if i want to write any actual blog posts anytime soon. so thanks for sticking things out with my most vulnerable blog post yet!

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Saturday, April 30, 2016

mothers day with the akola project.

we all want to treat our moms to something special for mothers day, dont we? well what if by treating our moms to a little gift could do big things for other moms around the world? how great would that be? pretty great, right? 

with the akola project, you can do exactly that. 

every piece of akola jewelry is beautifully handcrafted in uganda from local materials by women who live in rural poverty and have never been educated. akola not only employs these women, giving them the means to provide for and educate their children, but they also provide holistic education programs and vocational training to these women to empower them to become business owners and leaders in their communities. the akola project is a nonprofit whos model goes beyond merely providing aid to bring lasting, sustainable income for the over 400 women they employ both in uganda as well as dallas. 

akola jewelry not only does amazing things for the women who make it, its also beautiful, versatile, and amazing quality. akola has four different lines that feature different locally produced materials: paper, glass, metal, and horn. akola was kind enough to send me the vela necklace in onyx, which i wear nearly every day. this necklace has a mixture of hand rolled paper beads and small metal beads, and because of its extra-long length, it is incredibly versatile: i can wear it as a long necklace (as i styled it on instagram), doubled as a short necklace (as ive styled it here), or wrapped several times around my wrist as a bracelet. its the perfect accessory piece for my minimal wardrobe. 

if you want to gift your mom with some amazing akola jewelry (which.... um... i may have gotten for both mine and jamess moms, but... shhhh... dont tell), order quickly because their last day for guaranteed delivery in time for mothers day is this coming tuesday! and be sure to use the code MEYERS30 for 30% off your entire order!

one of my favorite things about akola jewelry is how with all their different collections, they really do have something for everyone. what's your favorite akola style? what are you getting your mom for mothers day? 

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Wednesday, April 27, 2016

on disappearing again (hashtag sorry not sorry)

im just going to start this post address the elephant in the room: yes, i posted five days a week in january and havent been back since early february. no, i am not sorry about it at all.  also, yes i did just post a post with no image or tags like some kind of blogging noob. 

i just wanted to come back and say that no, i did not quit blogging, its just that theres been a lot going on here and ive been really overwhelmed so blogging hasnt been a priority. and thats ok with me. 

january was really awesome blog-wise, i got into a really good writing routine, put out posts that i was really proud of, and felt really good about how much i was able to build my brand online working around 10 hours a week. i was able to write posts ahead of time, actually think about how i was marketing them, and even started on working on what the blogging circle calls "content upgrades" (and by that i mean like, printable recipes, patterns, and checklists). BUT i need to be really real here: 

this blog doesnt make us any money. 

it by all means can, and im absolutely working toward being a professional internet person someday that makes real money at the internet. 

but were at a stage of life where i need to be bringing in an actual income, a real life direct-deposited every two weeks enough to pay some of the bills income. not a hypothetical potential maybe a few bucks here and there every few weeks after the affiliate commissions clear income. 

i mean, weve got two little kids, jamess job just isnt all that consistent during the school year and ive still got two more semesters of school (after i finish this one). our financial situation really isnt all that bad (actually for us were doing pretty well right now), BUT things (especially school and the car we just bought) cost money, and me just staying home isnt working anymore. 

so i got a job. a real life paycheck getting taxes paying not minimum grown up job with a commute and a title that actually uses the things i learned in college job. its only one (partial) day a week, but theres a fair amount of prep and research involved and the drive is the most RIDICULOUS la drive ever (its 17 miles but takes over an hour to get home). even though its challenging, i do really enjoy my new job. BUT the few hours a week that it takes up basically eat up any free time id have available for blogging. 

and with school, a husband, two kids, our house, and myself to take care of, i just cant sustain another thing. i mean, maybe i could. if i was more energetic or more dedicated and spent all my kids nap times blogging or put on a movie every day to get some work done or something, but i really dont want to be working all the time. 

i want to be able to relax and enjoy being a mom on the days im home and only worry about work when im getting ready for/at work or school. mainly, i dont want to burn myself out the way i have a tendency of doing, i want to still like blogging when im ready to go at it full force again, unlike knitting which i forced myself to still do while teaching knitting at joanns and now i hate knitting. 

so long story short, blogging isnt a priority right now. thats not saying that im done blogging, i just cant pressure myself with schedules and content calendars right now. honestly im getting really tired of not blogging, so until things settle down enough for me to re-launch a less overwhelming content schedule (im currently thinking something like, three posts a week on a rotation of six topics...), im just going to post whatever i feel like whenever is convenient for me. 

since its been a while, whats going on with you? 

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